Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
