I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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