Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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