she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
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