he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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