having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
