He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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