i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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