what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
