Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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