and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
So apparently I’m into choking now
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