when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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