We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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