Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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