You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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