You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
