theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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