I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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