you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
