The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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