i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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