it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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