if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
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Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
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Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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