I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
