so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
