when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
