Can Purell be used as lube?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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