I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
