Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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