1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
