...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
