Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
