jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
