Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize