as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
