so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
