I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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