Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
