I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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