sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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