i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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