let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
