She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
