Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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