you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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