She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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