Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
