By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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