I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
