i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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