how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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