ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
