I don't usually arrange sex via text message
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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