the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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