I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
