Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
