Joe is yelling at the trees again.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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