on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
