i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
