Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so explain again why im purple
no
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
