How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
