My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
