News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
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