i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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