I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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