hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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