she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
