Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
someone owes me an orgasm
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize