I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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