You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
