i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
